as the day goes by...

I did not publish this entry last week since I felt like this was a personal thing...I mean, the real me...my thoughts...When I read it again, I feel that this is not a big deal...so here it is.

July 22, 2008 (unedited; spur of the moment)

I don’t know what has gotten into me. I was pissed off hours ago because I couldn’t find the DVD that I wanted to watch. I want to watch something funny because I can feel that I’m going to feel sad again. I don’t know…it just happened. Sometimes, I will just feel sad without any reason or maybe there is, I just don’t want to dwell what is the underlying reason why I’m sometimes like this. Then, it was followed by the bread that I wanted to eat. It was out of stock and it was unbelievable. I know that my day is not turning as what I wanted it to be. Then one more thing happened, I bought a street food to take home and just what I need, the vendor forgot to put the sauce. I was bursting with frustrations that I even texted my friend just to inform her that my day is a mess.

Hours later, I’ve watched one of my favorite American series. After watching two episodes, it was a coincidence that they were talking about misery and self pity. Hearing them exchanging lines, it made me think that they are right. We are sometimes wallowing in our misery that we forget that there are many people out there who are more miserable and living an imperfect life. There are times that we think, life should be perfect but it’s not. It just can’t be. Then after the episode ended, there was this line stated by their old classmate and not so there friend saying, “miss you guys, nobody seems to keep in touch anymore”. This simple line made me teary eyed…no it did not, it made me cried and inspired me to write this. Then after few seconds, the narrator said, “It’s about life, time and change…” I miss my friends, I miss everything…sometimes, I feel so alone and I can’t help it. I always said that I can live by myself so long as I have my dvd, books, laptop and drinks(coffee or tea) but there are times it’s not always like that…

P.S.
my days are now getting hectic...
it sometimes scares the hell out of me
I know someday things are going to be all right...
but some days...it's just kinda messy