My second day in AM...

complaints...complaints...complaints...

When I was in PM shift, I complained about having so many things to do, so little time. I kept on complaining how tired I am in making Powerpoint presentation. Now, that I am in AM shift, my second day, I'm starting to whine again. For the first time in my almost two years here in this company, I did not make any presenation. I'm bored! Since yesterday, I started reading the blogs of my friends, checked my mail and friendster and now, I'm blogging again and did the same things that I have done yesterday. I'm bored, bored, bored... and I think everybody knows that I don't like to be bored. It scares the hell out of me because it means I'm boring. Last night, I even finished a book...wooohhh! and today, I'm almost finish reading Fortune magazine. See, how bored I am. And then it strikes me, this is what I want, right? But now that I have it, I feel restless. I think I'm always like this but these two days...it's really dreary.

I know this will not last forever, maybe next week, I will have so many papers to submit because I'm back to school again or maybe, I will have more students. Whichever comes first, I'll welcome it with open arms...aaarrghhh! and grumble again..I'm such a whiner!

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
--Lily Tomlin

My team and my last day in PM shift...

My team....Yes, I've been in this team since I first set foot on this company, Duzon E&H. I love my team and my station. I can't believe that I'm living them and my forever station.

Last week, we had our team building in Splash Island and we had an amazing time together. There were many things happened like we had games like Pinoy Henyo and we tried the different slides that Splash Island offered. One of my favorite slides is the Magellan's drop where one of my teammates and close friend, Kareen, fell off from her mat. If we had a video camera with us, it would definitely be qualified to enter Bitoy's funniest video. Thinking about it now still makes me laugh.

Our team--we've been through a lot. We have had our ups and downs. I think this is why we are now a better, stronger and well-bonded team. We usually eat together and do things together. We have our differences but we are able to meet in the middle and respect those differences and find our similarities. Being in this team, makes my job here in this company much easier. I also have learned a lot. I learned from the mistakes of some of my teammates and I learned how good it is for a team to have unity. Our team before was not as good as what we have right now but since everyone are broadminded about things and willing to accept changes then I think these are some of the factors that made our team what it is.

29 minutes, 36 seconds more to go...

My shift will end minutes from now and this is it, I have to say goodbye to my friends, colleagues, teammates and all the people who is working in PM shift. I can't stop the time and at this moment, I hope I can (How I wish...). Well, everything has to end. There is no such thing as forever. Everything ends, vanishes or perishes. It's just a matter who comes first.

To all...

It's so great that I've experienced good things and bad things with you. I've learned a lot and in the process I hope you learned something from me too. I have had a wonderful time in this shift. We had faced many challenges and obstacles but despite of everything one can see happiness in our faces. Everything changes...the important thing is one should always remember for these have reasons...

my last week in PM shift...changes to face

My request for transfer of shift was approved last week. Wow! for almost four years of working on the same schedule, I think this would be wonderful. My first reaction when my boss sent me a message was terrific and then it sinked in to me that I would not be able to spend time with my friends in the PM shift and that made me quite not so cheery about my schedule especially I heard that AM shift's people are quite different from PM shift's. Well, let me see about that. Next week, will be the start of my next schedule and let me be the judge of that...hahaha!

Challenges to face next week:

1. waking up early around 3:00am--Ohhh! This is my sleeping time!
2. new team and teammates
3. classes in DLSU during Wednesday and Saturdays--got a broken schedule.

I hope I can do this! As of now, these are the things that I have to face for the next few weeks and I hope that everything will be splendid.

***********

Things happened to me this week...

Thinking of the things that happened to me this week makes me laugh and quite annoyed...I think, there is no such thing as a smooth flowing life...hahaha!

My series of unfortunate events:

1. My favorite Havaianas gave out..(naputol ung straps nya...huhu!)
2. I received an IR for exceeding my class for more than 5 minutes.
3. My class manager scolded me for I forgot to inform my students that I will transfer shift
4. I forgot to click the attendance of my students....(subject to IR..Thank god! it was not my boss who caught me..grrr...)

This is a really challenging week...whew!

my weekend in DAVAO

Long weekend...short vacation...

Last weekend, I went home to Davao for only 3 days. It was a short vacation but a memorable one. I was able to see my family especially my nephew, Gian and some of my friends. At first, I thought that my weekend will be not as great as I expected but at the end, it exceeded my expectations. There were many things happened that I did not see coming. The highlights of my vacation was my nephew, Gian, he was such an adorable baby. I couldn't kept my self from cuddling him and also my bet with my close guy friend. This bet would be due 2 years from now and until this moment, I don't know if I made the right decision to agree with our bet or maybe I'm just thinking too much again.

The whole weekend was marvelous. I couldn't fathom that I'm back here in Manila again working and soon I will be studying again...Changes will soon arrive and I'm ecstatic to face it.

so excited to go home...

Tomorrow at dawn will be my flight to Davao. I'm so excited to go home but this day turns out to be not so great as I expected. I'm already cramming because there were things that I have to attend to before I have to leave for Davao and plus I received bad messages. One message was from my mom stating that my brother could not fetch me at the airport and the other one was from my friend informing me that they our plan to hang out together would be cancelled and that they could not also drop me off at the airport. I was a little bit pissed because things did not go well this day. Then I realized that there are times that we have to be on our own...



There are some things in life that don't go as what we planned. We have to be always ready for it...

what I felt

Sometimes I feel inspired without knowing why
Sometimes I feel blue but there is nothing to be sad about
Sometimes I feel alone eventhough there are people around me
Sometimes I feel like crying because other people are hurting
Mixed feelings and mixed emotions

Sometimes I feel like screaming without reason at all
Sometimes I feel like joyous but there is nothing to celebrate
Sometimes I feel like running eventhough no one is hunting me
Sometimes I feel like singing because something different happened
Mixed feelings and mixed emotions

I felt everything and it brought me great happiness knowing that I'm alive.
Am I really happy?
All I want is to have a felicitious life.
Is this so hard?
What makes me truly happy?
I'm still figuring it out...

Saturday afternoon with Astrah...

Last Saturday, I spent my time with my dearest friend Astrah. It's been years since we last saw each other even though we live in the same area. Busy, busy, tired, tired...well, these words are the most common excuses that most of us could come up. Yes, it's true that we are tired and busy all the time but what we need is the WANT to spend time with friends...mmmm...think so?

As usual, I spent my afternoon with Astrah in Starbucks..again? just different location...LOL. We had coffee in Starbucks. It's been almost everyday that I drank coffee from the same coffee company that I did not know what to order anymore. (so funny..)
There were so many things to talk about that we did not know where to start. In the end, we talked about anything and everything under the sun and we found out so many thigs about our common friends and about each other as well. I had a splendid time catching up with our lives.

-To Astrah-

Thank you for spending time with me even though we just spent few hours in each others company but still it made me so happy. The things that we did will always be one of my happiest memories this summer. I hope that we can do it again with our other friends of course. A time spent with a friend is never a waste. Love yah!

Thanks!

angelkrizz

catching up with my old friend...

Friday...

I've been busy these past few weeks that I wasn't able to post something in my blog. There were so many things that happened to me and now there are still so many things going on in my mind.

The past few days....

The other night, my friends and I hanged out in Starbuck--our favorite hangout place and then unexpectedly one of my friends took a picture of my favorite barista. I just love to post his picture here...maybe one of these days...

I've been thinking of leaving or staying in my apartment. My friends who are with me are going to vacate our home sweet home. So sad but things have to end...

Last Monday, I saw my grades last semester...it made me want to laugh. I did not expect to have high grades but I guess I deserved it.

Last week, I took an exam in DLSU..it just made me crazy..Taking an exam without sleep..I hope the result will be more than I expected.

a few moments ago...

I talked to one of my closest friend..KOREN...It made me so happy talking to her and exchanging irrelevant and relevant information. I heard that some of our friends are going to Singapore, some are going to get married and some broke up already, some are having good career and some are still starting. Life is indeed colorful. We may have ups and downs but still it's great to know that we have friends that will always stay by our side and will join us in our journey.

first weekend with nothing to do...

Well, this is my first weekend with nothing to do...no appointments and no classes...my dream weekend. It's been a long time since I have this kind of weekend...I just love it. Most of my weekends, well I have to study and I have to do some errands. But this weekend, it's just amazing. I had my hair and nails done yesterday and now, I'm sitting alone in Starbucks waiting for the afternoon to pass by and doing this blog. It's a really great Sunday afternoon. I spent most of my hours being a potato couch and I realized I have to do something despite of being sick. Yes, I have a cold since Friday night and I have a slight fever last night but it did not stop me from going out of my apartment.

This afternoon, sitting alone in Starbucks and waiting for the sun to go down is just one of my favorite things to do. It's just so amazing. It's makes me think how wonderful life is. Yesterday, I watched TV and I saw how Africans are doing. It makes me sad that I'm always fuss about how miserable my life is and there are some people out there who are experiencing things that I could not imagine. Fighting for their lives because of poverty, diseases and virus and still they are hopeful. It makes me think that I'm still a lucky. Indeed I am.

Being lucky that I am, it makes me really want to do something for others. It makes me want to give back to those people who need help. I hope I can make this come true, with the help of the people around me i think it's possible . My plan is, I want to teach English for the whole summer for free after my masters if I will be able to graduate. I hope so..I'm crossing my fingers. Anyway, I like to go back to my hometown and serve the community there by teaching English for free. I will like to do this to improve their English. I also want to impart my knowledge to the teachers their by giving trainings or seminars on how to teach English effectively. Thinking about this makes me laugh. I don't really have the confidence to do this kind of thing but maybe a year or two from now, things will change. I will be able to have that confidence to make this thing happen. I really want to do this badly and I know that if I want something bad, I'll find confidence and courage. This really makes me want to shout that I can do this!

weekend thoughts...

I went to Batangas, my grandmother's house, this weekend. I was able to think things over while I was traveling. I felt gloomy and blue everytime I think of the things I want to do and the things that I have to do...my life. I've said in my last blog that changes might take place this summer. Change is a must for us to continue growing and for us to fulfill our dreams. Stagnation makes me feel scared and so is change. I know I made a big decision already which is pursuing my master's degree and I know, I will still make a big one before the summer ends.

It's already summer...

It's been a while since I posted something in this blog. I've been busy these past few days, with my studies and work. This week is the last week of my class and then we're going to have our long awaited summer break. The weather is already hot and everybody is now planning to have a summer trip. I have many plans for the summer and I hope these plans will be pushed through. I will not talk about my plans here yet but surely I will talk about them if I've done it already. I'm quite excited and worried at the same time for I know that there will be many changes this summer. Things might not be the same again or it might be still the same as always.

Changes...it's one of the things that people fear about. Changes...at times, it's something good and something bad. Changes...I hope I will have the courage to face it.

It's summer again...it's just a start of it...hoping things will fall into places...

One tree hill season 4...I just love it

ONE TREE HILL is one of the TV series that I avidly watch. I just can’t keep my eyes off from the Scott Brothers and of course my favorite bitch, whore and slut Brooke Davis. Watching One Tree Hill reminds me about high school and it brings back the memories especially the good ones. It makes me feel like a high school student again.

I just finished watching One Tree Hill season 4. It was awesome. It was good. I just hated that Brooke and Lucas Scott broke up but I think life is really like that. There is no such thing as constant. It also makes me realized that hooking with your friend’s boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will never be fine…laugh at loud!

One of the things that I love about this show is their quotes and voiceover. There are lessons to learn and things to think over. It makes me sometimes contemplate about life and friends.

These are some of the quotes and voice over that I found striking in season 4.

But if you look closer, you might see someone like you. Someone trying to find their way. Someone trying to find their place. Someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.

Lucas: Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has.

Lucas: There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.

The Saddest Poem

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

~Pablo Neruda

One of the saddest poem I've ever read.

Pablo Neruda's poems

Sonnet XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close

Sonnet LXXXI

And now you're mine. Rest with your dream in my dream.
Love and pain and work should all sleep, now.
The night turns on its invisible wheels,
and you are pure beside me as a sleeping amber.

No one else, Love, will sleep in my dreams. You will go,
we will go together, over the waters of time.
No one else will travel through the shadows with me,
only you, evergreen, ever sun, ever moon.

Your hands have already opened their delicate fists
and let their soft drifting signs drop away;
your eyes closed like two gray wings, and I move

after, following the folding water you carry, that carries
me away. The night, the world, the wind spin out their destiny.
Without you, I am your dream, only that, and that is all.


~ Pablo Neruda ~

Pablo Neruda is one of my favorite poets. Reading his poems make me feel in love and make me think that true love exist. His poems keep my faith in LOVE and sometimes make me feeel sad..because LOVE is real but some love is unrequited.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's POEM

PROXIMITY OF THE BELOVED ONE.

I THINK of thee, whene'er the sun his beams
O'er ocean flings;I think of thee, whene'er the moonlight gleams
In silv'ry springs.
I see thee, when upon the distant ridge
The dust awakes;At midnight's hour, when on the fragile bridge
The wanderer quakes.
I hear thee, when yon billows rise on high,
With murmur deep.To tread the silent grove oft wander I,
When all's asleep.
I'm near thee, though thou far away mayst be--
Thou, too, art near!The sun then sets, the stars soon lighten me.
Would thou wert here!
1795.

--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This poem is one of my favorites. I first heard this poem in a Korean Drama, Wedding. When I read this, i find it so romantic. It makes you wish that someone will actually feel this way to you...LOL! Romantic sucker that I am will really be moved by this poem...hahaha!

weekend with the angels...

March 15-16, 2007

restless, dog-tired and fun...my week. I slept for one hour only last Saturday. I had to finish my essay to be submitted early in the morning. Thank god that my class would be til noon only. There were so many plans for this day. I had to meet my friends in the office at the Fort and I had to meet the angels...When afternoon came, I realized that I'm dead tired and the only thing that I wanted was to go home and sleep. Weng (an angel and my classmate) and I decided to postpone the meeting and not to meet my office friends. Anyway, I already invited some of the angels to sleep in my house. So, we were still going to meet tonight. The plans were all change. Weng and I went to Alabang ahead and we would just meet the other angels in Alabang.

Time to have dinner... I thought I'm going to have my sleep but the angels were already on their way. We were planning where to eat and everyone decided that we would have dinner in Giligans ATC. We dined there. The food was great and the price was reasonable. We had an enjoyable time together.

Time to leave Giligans.. we didn't know where to go. We went to Starbucks Madrigal and we ended up leaving the place without buying a coffee. We looked for a grocery store to buy some snacks and we headed to my place.

At my place, the plan was to watch the TV series, Desperate Housewives but Weng and I could not keep our eyes open and we ended up sleeping. I did not even noticed when Grace and Shey went home. I was sleeping like a log. Ayka and Nancy were the survivors and they watched Prison Break instead of Desperate Housewives...

Sunday...Time to wake up..Everybody was sleeping. I had to wake up to prepare our lunch. I went to the nearest supermarket and bought Kimchi and tuna for our lunch. One of the favorite food of the angels.

Time to go home...It's already late in the afternoon. The rest of the angels (Weng, Nancy and Ayka) went home already. The house became so silent. It seemed like nothing happened. I was still tired and restless but the thing was I had fun even though we were not able to really talk since some of us were sleeping or doing something..Just being together..it made my weekend wondeful..

Friends...angels...even though we live in different places..the good thing is we still make time to meet and catch up with our lives..knowing that they are there for you just makes me feel safe.

Friends...it's not about how many friends you have but it's about how many are going to be there for you no matter what..

Quotes for me....

You are the person who has to decide. Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind. Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.

-Edgar A. Guest-

****************************

Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.

-Robert F. Bennett-

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In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

My thoughts before I sleep...

March 10, 2008
Monday, 2:55 AM

It’s already morning but still I can’t sleep. My brain is wide wake even though I already want to go to my bed. There are so many things going on my mind and I decided to write them down. What I really want in life is one of the things that I’m thinking right now. What are the things that can possibly make me happy and what are the things that I’m longing to do. I’m taking graduate studies. Weeks from now, I’m going to have my diploma in teaching as a second language and months from now, I’m going to take masters in teaching English. Is this what I really want? I like it. I like teaching and when I see students learning from me, I have this wonderful feeling but then there is something missing.

There are so many things that I want to do and some of them, I already did and doing but I don’t really excel. I envy those people who excel on the things that they do and I wonder why I can’t. Is it because there are so many things that I want to do and I can’t give all of my energy in one thing. It seems that I’m scattering them in different places. I like to cook and I think I can really cook. I like to play soccer and I can play it. I like business and I had a wonderful time doing it when I was in college. I did these things but I did'nt excel.

Some people say that I’m lucky. I have a wonderful family. Despite with our differences but we still manage. I love them, immediate and extended. I have great friends, who are always there for me. In fact, some of them are not just friends, it seems like they are already my sisters. I have a good education. I studied in a private school since I was in preparatory. I went to a university that gives good quality of education and right now I’m studying in one of the best universities in the country. But still, I don’t feel that lucky.

Now, I’m working in an English online company. I have an invigorating job since I have to think of the lessons that I will conduct in my classes and I have a chance to talk with my students about their life. I have friends in the company. In fact, some of them are not just my friends they are my close friends. I have a good salary compare to others. Despite all of these things, there are times that I’m jaded.

Now, it’s already 3:42. My eyes are already drooping but still there are many things that I want to write…I have to have my sleep. I hope hours from now, when I wake up, it will be a wonderful day for me…To be continued…

Angels at harbour square

March 1, 2007
7pm

After a long tiring week, the Angels decided to meet. Grace and I met Ayka and Nancy in Mcdonalds beside dlsu. Weng was not able to meet us for she was tired preparing her wedding, geez..my friend is really getting married. Well, we decided to go to Harbour square, the most accessible hang out place. We dined out in Teriyaki boy and after that we had coffee in starbucks...As usual, our hang out place..anywhere so long as its starbucks...I think I can even memorize their menu..hahaha!

It's just so nice to end a tiring day or I rather say...week...with your friends talking over coffee...

tiring week...

Feb 25-March 1, 2007

Last week was one of my hell weeks this semester and was the first hell week for me for this year. I had so many things to do that I could not think what to do first. I was a little bit dazed what to do first. Well, I did the most important one... my lesson plan for my demo teaching. Take note: I have to demo in a foreign academic writing for graduate students. A little bit tough, huh? I did my lesson plan since Monday and I finished it minutes away from my demo class. The worst thing was my adviser cancelled the demo class. She said that she would not evaluate it since it was a graduate class. What she wanted was for me and my two classmates to demo in a class not for graduate students. That was it...all of my hardwork and sleepless nights were just for nothing..I was disappointed and maybe a little bit mad but then I did not do anything..stupid,I think, of me but instead I just agreed with my prof...great, right?