unlucky me...but..

Today is one of my unlucky days. At this moment, I'm furious about the thing that had happened to me an hour or so ago and maybe about myself for being so ninny. Right now, I want to holler until my throat will get hoarse. I want to break and smash something. I want to run for miles and be done until I feel the weigh on my limbs. Most of all, I want to be in a serene place where I can only hear birds tweeting, water flowing, grass dancing and wind touching my face. I want to lie down in a place where I'm just all alone.

I've never been late for almost 11 months, until now. I'm exasperated not just because it affected my incentive but the thought that I would be able to say to myself that I've never been tardy for a year is my ultimate goal...until now...I feel so demotivated and I even want to resign. I'm just too angry about myself. It makes me think if this is Karma or what...God is playing with me? I know that everything happens for a reason. Maybe he has a reason, maybe this is not meant for me. There are times even though how much you give effort to get something but if it not really given to you, if it is really not meant for you...then this will just turn into ashes. Right now, it's so hard for me to accept that I made this kind of mistake. It's hard for me to fathom that this is not for me. I've calculated and did everything but still this unfortunate event happened. With my attitude towards life, failure is not in my vocabulary. So long as I can avoid it, I'll do everything I can.

I know, I have to start accepting things....I know there is a good reason for this...I know that he has a better plan...I know everything will be better soon...I hope it will just come sooner...