as the day goes by...

I did not publish this entry last week since I felt like this was a personal thing...I mean, the real me...my thoughts...When I read it again, I feel that this is not a big deal...so here it is.

July 22, 2008 (unedited; spur of the moment)

I don’t know what has gotten into me. I was pissed off hours ago because I couldn’t find the DVD that I wanted to watch. I want to watch something funny because I can feel that I’m going to feel sad again. I don’t know…it just happened. Sometimes, I will just feel sad without any reason or maybe there is, I just don’t want to dwell what is the underlying reason why I’m sometimes like this. Then, it was followed by the bread that I wanted to eat. It was out of stock and it was unbelievable. I know that my day is not turning as what I wanted it to be. Then one more thing happened, I bought a street food to take home and just what I need, the vendor forgot to put the sauce. I was bursting with frustrations that I even texted my friend just to inform her that my day is a mess.

Hours later, I’ve watched one of my favorite American series. After watching two episodes, it was a coincidence that they were talking about misery and self pity. Hearing them exchanging lines, it made me think that they are right. We are sometimes wallowing in our misery that we forget that there are many people out there who are more miserable and living an imperfect life. There are times that we think, life should be perfect but it’s not. It just can’t be. Then after the episode ended, there was this line stated by their old classmate and not so there friend saying, “miss you guys, nobody seems to keep in touch anymore”. This simple line made me teary eyed…no it did not, it made me cried and inspired me to write this. Then after few seconds, the narrator said, “It’s about life, time and change…” I miss my friends, I miss everything…sometimes, I feel so alone and I can’t help it. I always said that I can live by myself so long as I have my dvd, books, laptop and drinks(coffee or tea) but there are times it’s not always like that…

P.S.
my days are now getting hectic...
it sometimes scares the hell out of me
I know someday things are going to be all right...
but some days...it's just kinda messy

Saturday...after long hours in school

Saturday...

I think everybody knows that I'm in my school every Saturday from morning til early evening. Here we go again...big bag, heavy books, photocopies and papers...this is my life. So many papers to submit that sometimes I don't know how I wrote them. Anyway, I know and I already accepted that I suck when it comes to writing. Creative writing is alright but academic writing...Ugghhh! I dread it. Usually I'm stuck with my laptop for minutes or sometimes hours and I just can't find the right words that will express my thoughts. This is always the sceanario and it's now making me weary. Then I decided last Saturday...from now on..I will love writing--As in--I LOVE WRITING! I said to myself that maybe everything is psychological that is why I can't write a good and maybe an exceptional paper

After spending the whole day in school, class was over..

Next stop--dinner. My classmates--Joei and Mark and I were already hungry. (Well, we are always hungry especially after a class. Maybe this is a sign that we are using our brains. giggle!) Anyway, we decided to have dinner at Mall of Asia but it took us maybe 30 minutes or so just to get to the mall even though it was just a few blocks away. It was all because of the traffic that would pissed anyone. It was like we were in a spider web. Then we finally arrived but we didn't know where to eat--the usual dilemma... Then we decided to eat at Padi's point. We ordered pork dishes like sisig and pork with tofu and we talked about our adventures in life. Then I found out many things about my classmate, Mark, that amazed me. First, he is younger than me, second, he'd been to different countries already and had many adventures that were so funny and third, he is like a child. Hahaha! He really made me laugh through out our dinner and I hadn't laugh like that for a long time already...Thanks to him! He made my dinner extra special.

Angels@Weng's wedding

June 28, 2008--Saturday...

I started to despise Saturdays because I have classes to attend and it start early in the morning but last Saturday, the feeling was different because it was my friend's (Rowena) wedding. I' was so excited to wake up and start my day. I went to school without bringing any books. I only brought the clothes that I have to wear for the wedding which I only grabbed from my closet. Then it hit me that I'm going to attend a wedding wearing my old clothes...grrr... anyway, I planned to buy a blouse after school...

At school...

Weng's wedding---it was her day. So, I didn't want to think about school stuffs. My mind was elsewhere. The worst about me being a student was I didn't attend the orrientation that was compulsory. I didn't know what it was but I think I have to attend two orrientations..whatever it was...I was just too excited to think about it. Not a time for me to be geeky, it was time to party.

After school

I met one of the Angels, Grace, at school and we had lunch together. After lunch, she went to Richmond Hotel in Ortigas, where the bride and her entourage should be. I, on the other hand, went to Shangri-la mall and bought clothes for the wedding then went to Ayka's place to dress up and to have my hair and make-up done...

An hour before the wedding

Ready for the big event...We, Ayka, Nancy and I, left 45 minutes before the time of the wedding. When we were on our way, we then realized that the place that we were going to was so far. We almost got lost though we had a map, then when we almost reached our destination, Grace txted me that they were lost. We tried to help them out and we waited for them outside the venue but they were already very late when they arrived. Anyway, it was Grace's story to tell...in short, the angels were not able to perform their duties in Weng's wedding. Very funny indeed...

Here are the photos while waiting for Grace to arrive....

At the wedding....we are in the reception area. By the way, the food was great and Ayka and I loved the chocolate fountain...hehehe!


...then the BRIDE, Mrs. Rowena Bautista-Juan and the GROOM,Mr. Herbert Juan

After the wedding, we were some of the guests who stayed behind. We waited for the bride and groom...and we were eating again...hahaha! Angels, pasimple effect...hahaha!

Time to go home...

We decided to go home since our eyes were already drooping. Everybody was tired and was seeking the comfort of their bed. We left the place together with the bride and groom. They were in the other car and we just followed them...scared to get lost again...then suddenly, out of the blue, everyone decided to have coffee in Starbuck and the nearest coffee house will be in the Fort so we decided to go there but there was one big problem, we were not familiar with the place. We went round and round and got lost again....then we found Starbucks..we had coffee and we talked and then concluded--at the end of the day...we usually end up in Starbucks...are we stockholders of Starbucks or something? wahahaha!

Then we go on our separate ways....We live far from each other like from east to west and north to south. To continue...Ayka lives in Katipunan--Atenista ang dating so she took a cab since Fort is not so far from Katipunan, Nancy lives in Munoz, somewhere in the north so she took a bus, Grace,together with Shey, lives in Cavite and since they have a car they didn't have any problem going home except for the gasoline..(The price is getting higher and higher) hahaha! Then, I live in Alabang so I took a bus...the series of unlucky events did not end when we got lost...it continued...I got off in a wrong place and then when I took a "dyip" going to my place, it broke down...what a tiring day! I arrived home at around 3'o clock in the morning. (sigh!)

The note

The note of Virginia Woolf to her husband:

"I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been."

I encountered this note while I was browsing the internet. When I read this,it made me think of how powerful love is. One can make sacrifices for the person one's love. Here I go again, the romantic me...Seriously, this note touched me. Virginia Woolf sacrificed her life since she knew that she would experience great depression again or let me say,mental illness and this would hinder her husband from doing what he loved most--writing for he would be bound to her.

Everybody wishes to find great love, fortunate for those who find it because not all of us will...

unlucky me...but..

Today is one of my unlucky days. At this moment, I'm furious about the thing that had happened to me an hour or so ago and maybe about myself for being so ninny. Right now, I want to holler until my throat will get hoarse. I want to break and smash something. I want to run for miles and be done until I feel the weigh on my limbs. Most of all, I want to be in a serene place where I can only hear birds tweeting, water flowing, grass dancing and wind touching my face. I want to lie down in a place where I'm just all alone.

I've never been late for almost 11 months, until now. I'm exasperated not just because it affected my incentive but the thought that I would be able to say to myself that I've never been tardy for a year is my ultimate goal...until now...I feel so demotivated and I even want to resign. I'm just too angry about myself. It makes me think if this is Karma or what...God is playing with me? I know that everything happens for a reason. Maybe he has a reason, maybe this is not meant for me. There are times even though how much you give effort to get something but if it not really given to you, if it is really not meant for you...then this will just turn into ashes. Right now, it's so hard for me to accept that I made this kind of mistake. It's hard for me to fathom that this is not for me. I've calculated and did everything but still this unfortunate event happened. With my attitude towards life, failure is not in my vocabulary. So long as I can avoid it, I'll do everything I can.

I know, I have to start accepting things....I know there is a good reason for this...I know that he has a better plan...I know everything will be better soon...I hope it will just come sooner...

10 things I hate about you....

Sunday..a stormy day...

There was a storm yesterday so there was nothing to do but to stay at home and do my own thing like sleeping, watching dvd and eating...

It was sometime last night when I browsed my dvd's because I wanted to watch an American movie...by the way, I just finished watching a Korean drama, Dalja's Spring..that was why..I wanted to hear something English...hehehe! While browsing, I found this movie--'Ten things I hate about you'. I stared at the copy of this movie and it took me awhile to decide that I'm going to watch it. I watched this movies,ages ago... I was in high school, I think...Anyway, this is one of my favorite movies.

When I started watching it, memories gushing into me...it brought me back to the time where I was high school and was so full of energy to discover the world. It was a little bit funny because the casts were so young then and it made me feel that this was such an old movie. Then it sinked in to me, Heath Ledger, one of the casts died months ago and in the movie he was brimming with life. He was gorgeous, he was smiling and he was just so great while acting his role. I couldn't believe that his life just ended that way. It made me feel a little bit blue and it made me realize that life is so short...Well, I like the story so I continued watching it...When I heard the songs that were played in the movie, I remembered that I loved their soundtrack. I even remembered the lyrics.I recalled the best part of the movie. It was when Kat, Julia Stiles, read the poem, 10 things I hate about you. Here it goes...

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around,

and the fact that you didn’t call.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,

not even close…

not even a little bit…

not even at all.

This poem made me sigh years ago, then I read it again just now and it still makes me sigh....haaayyy...so sweet like candy..hahaha! I am such a hopeless romantic that sometimes it made me laugh...

Hanging out with the Angels...

Friday night....At weng's crib

It was Friday night. I had to meet the angels (Weng, Ayka and Nancy) at 11:00 PM in Globe Tower, my previous job's building. We decided to hang out together since we hadn't seen each other for a while and it would be Weng's last week as a single. Next week,Saturday, she will get married and I know that some things will change. Even though, I would have an exam the next day but for me that night...the get together was too precious. I didn't want to miss it. Anyway, Weng and I had dinner together while waiting for our friends, Ayka and Nancy, in one of our hang out places in Globe tower. After their arrival, we decided to go to Weng's condo since I have to study. KJ (Kill joy)...Friday night and I would have to study...grrrr....

the ANGELS..

The name ANGELS started when all of us worked in the same company years ago...It is vague for me why we became ANGELS. I think it was because of Chocok's our 'kuya' or elder brother in our office and we were called Chocok's Angels since we were always with him and he some kinda took care of us. Anyway, the angels are Ayka, Weng, Nancy, Grace and I...but last Friday night, unfortunately Grace was not with us since she was busy.

I present to you the angels who were with me last Friday. Even though Grace was not with us, still we had a wonderful time but it would have been better if she were with us...

This is AYKA...

Ayka is the eldest..hehehe! Well, she's the eldest but sometimes she seems to be the youngest. She's young at heart. She likes to watch cartoons and she likes to play computer games.

Friday night..She was dead tired because she has a part time job and she is a Team Leader--so much work for her..Her eyes were drooping when she talked to us..(giggle)

This is NANCY...

If Ayka is the eldest, this is our baby...She is the youngest in Angels and she has the most beautiful smile. We usually joke around that 'she is now a lady'. She improved a lot. She wears make up now and she dresses up like a young lady...(hahaha!)

Friday night...as usual, we teased her about being a 'lady' and we asked her if she has a love life already...I think she's the persona in NEVER BEEN KISSED!

Lastly, this is WENG...

Weng is going to tie the knot this Saturday with Akong, who just came back from the states for the ceremony. I'm so excited for her. She and I have almost the same personality. We are perfectionist, cranky at times (hahaha), opinionated and so on...well, we are virgos..

Friday night...We hanged out in her place. She rented a condo unit for the mean time since her condo is not yet ready. We talked about the things that she planned to do the next day since she was going to give a surprise lunch for her future hubby....She is so in love...and blooming..like a flower in spring.

***************************************

The night with the angels...

Now that you know the angels... I'm going to tell you what happened...this is it...I was a little bit nervous, I would have an exam next day and I hadn't studied yet. The worst things was, I was tired and I wanted to sleep. I took down notes but later on, my mind was nowhere to be found...So, I asked Nancy to study for me..Well, to take down notes for me so that I could read them on my way to my school. Well, she did it and I found the notes on the table when I woke up the next day. Isn't she so nice?

Let's go back to our night...we talked about our angst..as usual..We talked about the people around us, our job and again our angst...hatred...then we ended up praising and complimenting ourselves (nagbuhat ba ng bangko...) hahaha!

Weng, Ayka and Nancy...I took the picture using my phone..Thank God..The photo is good. It doesn't show their flaws..I mean eyebags....hahaha! They look well rested..

Weng, Ayka and I...I like our colors...Spring colors..pink, green and yellow..We joked around that we should wear these kind of colors since it would give us good photo.

Nancy and I...our get-together would not be complete without her...I would feel sad if she were not attend any of our gatherings...I like to piss her off and tease her...(hahaha!). She's like a younger sister to me.

**************************

To the angels,

I know that I've been so busy these past few months maybe a year now and I'm sorry that sometimes I don't have much time to spend with you. You are one of my treasures. ANGELS--coming into my life is one most precious things that happened into me..Though we don't spend much time together, I know that you will always be here for me. If there were things that I've done that upset you, then thank you for understanding...You know that I'll always be here for you.

Angels forever....even though time will come that we will have our own lives...

LOVE yah!

Krizz

P.S.

sounds so cheesy. It gives me goosebumps...

The Story of An Hour

"The Story of An Hour"
Kate Chopin (1894)

Knowing that Mrs. Mallard was afflicted with a heart trouble, great care was taken to break to her as gently as possible the news of her husband's death.
It was her sister Josephine who told her, in broken sentences; veiled hints that revealed in half concealing. Her husband's friend Richards was there, too, near her. It was he who had been in the newspaper office when intelligence of the railroad disaster was received, with Brently Mallard's name leading the list of "killed." He had only taken the time to assure himself of its truth by a second telegram, and had hastened to forestall any less careful, less tender friend in bearing the sad message.
She did not hear the story as many women have heard the same, with a paralyzed inability to accept its significance. She wept at once, with sudden, wild abandonment, in her sister's arms. When the storm of grief had spent itself she went away to her room alone. She would have no one follow her.
There stood, facing the open window, a comfortable, roomy armchair. Into this she sank, pressed down by a physical exhaustion that haunted her body and seemed to reach into her soul.
She could see in the open square before her house the tops of trees that were all aquiver with the new spring life. The delicious breath of rain was in the air. In the street below a peddler was crying his wares. The notes of a distant song which some one was singing reached her faintly, and countless sparrows were twittering in the eaves.
There were patches of blue sky showing here and there through the clouds that had met and piled one above the other in the west facing her window.
She sat with her head thrown back upon the cushion of the chair, quite motionless, except when a sob came up into her throat and shook her, as a child who has cried itself to sleep continues to sob in its dreams.
She was young, with a fair, calm face, whose lines bespoke repression and even a certain strength. But now there was a dull stare in her eyes, whose gaze was fixed away off yonder on one of those patches of blue sky. It was not a glance of reflection, but rather indicated a suspension of intelligent thought.
There was something coming to her and she was waiting for it, fearfully. What was it? She did not know; it was too subtle and elusive to name. But she felt it, creeping out of the sky, reaching toward her through the sounds, the scents, the color that filled the air.
Now her bosom rose and fell tumultuously. She was beginning to recognize this thing that was approaching to possess her, and she was striving to beat it back with her will--as powerless as her two white slender hands would have been. When she abandoned herself a little whispered word escaped her slightly parted lips. She said it over and over under hte breath: "free, free, free!" The vacant stare and the look of terror that had followed it went from her eyes. They stayed keen and bright. Her pulses beat fast, and the coursing blood warmed and relaxed every inch of her body.
She did not stop to ask if it were or were not a monstrous joy that held her. A clear and exalted perception enabled her to dismiss the suggestion as trivial. She knew that she would weep again when she saw the kind, tender hands folded in death; the face that had never looked save with love upon her, fixed and gray and dead. But she saw beyond that bitter moment a long procession of years to come that owuld belong to her absolutely. And she opened and spread her arms out to them in welcome.
There would be no one to live for during those coming years; she would live for herself. There would be no powerful will bending hers in that blind persistence with which men and women believe they ahve a right to impose a private will upon a fellow-creature. A kind intention or a cruel intention made the act seem no less a crime as she looked upon it in that brief moment of illumination.
And yet she had loved him--sometimes. Often she had not. What did it matter! What could love, the unsolved mystery, count for in the face of this possession of self-assertion which she suddenly recognized as the strongest impulse of her being!
"Free! Body and soul free!" she kept whispering.
Josephine was kneeling before the closed door with her lips to the keyhold, imploring for admission. "Louise, open the door! I beg; open the door--you will make yourself ill. What are you doing, Louise? For heaven's sake open the door."
"Go away. I am not making myself ill." No; she was drinking in a very elixir of life through that open window.
Her fancy was running riot along those days ahead of her. Spring days, and summer days, and all sorts of days that would be her own. She breathed a quick prayer that life might be long. It was only yesterday she had thought with a shudder that life might be long.
She arose at length and opened the door to her sister's importunities. There was a feverish triumph in her eyes, and she carried herself unwittingly like a goddess of Victory. She clasped her sister's waist, and together they descended the stairs. Richards stood waiting for them at the bottom.
Some one was opening the front door with a latchkey. It was Brently Mallard who entered, a little travel-stained, composedly carrying his grip-sack and umbrella. He had been far from the scene of the accident, and did not even know there had been one. He stood amazed at Josephine's piercing cry; at Richards' quick motion to screen him from the view of his wife.
When the doctors came they said she had died of heart disease--of the joy that kills.

*************

My professor, LDR, introduced this short story for our class in teaching methodology in reading and writing. When I read this short story of Kate Chopin, First, I thought this would be about the the character's grief and sorrow about her husband's death then when I was in the middle part of the story, I was shocked to find out that she was happy about what happened to her husband. Then, it made me think about the era where this story was written. Yes, at that time, women were oppressed and were no rights. That was the time when women were treated unfairly by the society. Oh~ I don't want to think about their struggles and their sentiments.
Anyway, when I read the next few sentences, I thought I would get a happy ending then she died. My reaction was--how sad. Then it sinked in to me that I would rather die than lose my sense of individuality.

To be continued...

The EMBASSY club

Saturday night...2:00 AM...Embassy club

Hours before 2:00AM

While I was in my school library, I received a text message from my college friend, Loleck. She asked me if we could meet together with her boyfriend, Jigz,which is my college friend also. I said YES since it had been a long time since we've seen each other eventhough we both live here in Metro.

After class...I had to meet Jigz at Rockwell (Powerplant). Actually, I didn't know how to commute. So, I decided to take a cab but one of my classmates and her hubby, who are Silliman Alumni, talked me out of it. Instead, I took the train. I thought, it would make me save money but instead I ended up buying a shirt since I was soaking wet with my sweat when I arrived at Rockwell. Anyway, I met Jigz and we ate Japanese food and planned to have coffee at Starbucks afterwards while waiting for Loleck. After dining in a Japanese restaurant, there was a change of plan. We went to Jigz's apartment and would drink beer instead while waiting for Loleck. Okay, that was fine with me. His apartment was cool. (hahaha!).

After an hour or so...Loleck arrived and she said that we should invite Jairus, our junior when we were in college. So we did. Then suddenly, there was a change of plan, we would go to the EMBASSY and I said NO because I'm not fit to go there. I'm just wearing jeans, shirt and sneakers. I looked like a school girl especially with my backpack full of photocopies and books. I thought, it was ridiculous.

Hanging out at Jigz apartment...Jairus arrived. The four of us, Jigz, loleck,Jairus and I drank some beer. It was fun. We listened to music and talked about our present life. Then suddenly, they said that we were going to the EMBASSY and this was for real. "OH NO!" I said. I told them that I would not go in that place wearing sneakers and I added that I was financially challenge. Well, it's true...I've been invited to go to Embassy for free but I didn't even said YES. What was I thinking when I said YES to them...

EMBASSY...the hottest place in town

My friends kept on inviting me to go to this place before but I didn't want to eventhough it was for free. But then this thing happened....It was around 2Am when we left the place. We went toEmbassy. It was cool. The place was cool and the people except 'me'. Hahaha! It was very funny. Everybody was dressed up for clubbing and I was wearing a "go to school" outfit. We went to the Techno/Trance club and RnB club. There were many people that we had to fall in line first. We saw some of our school friends, Sillimanians, and it was so shocking because of all places, we saw each other in Embassy. They were also lining up but then they got the VIP pass that they went directly to the RnB club before us. Good for them...When we were able to enter, the place was so crowded and chaotic but the music was cool. I really had a tremendous time. We danced, drunk some vodka and burned our lungs. We exited the club when it was about to close and then we planned to have coffee but we ended up going home since we could not find an opened coffee shop "Starbucks" unless if we would go to Makati (giggle) and would show our weary faces to the people there.

Sandy Roistan--All because you kissed me goodnight

All because you kissed me goodnight

I climbed the door, and opened the stairs,
Said my pajamas and put on my prayers,
Then turned off the bed and crawled into the light,
All because you kissed me goodnight.

Next morning, I woke and scrambled my shoes,
Polished my eggs and toasted the news,
I couldn't tell my left from my right,
All because you kissed me goodnight.

That evening at last, I felt normal again,
So I picked up my mother, and called up the phone,
I spoke to the puppy and threw dad a bone
Even at midnight, the sun was still bright,
All because you kissed me goodnight.

--Sandy Roistan

This is the poem that my professor let us read yesterday. It's hilarious. The way the author used the words caught my attention and impressed me because he went against the norms. When we discussed this poem and when my prof asked us about the theme, the style and so on... I realized that the speaker was a teenager and very much in love. When I read it again, it gave me joy and it brought back memories of the feeling in love. huh? As if...I've been in love...maybe I should say it gave me a glimpse of the feeling of being in love...laugh out loud!

The sad thing...I tried to look for Sandy Roistan's biography but I couldn't find anything. I don't even know if this poet is a man or a woman. The name Sandy can be a name of both. I hope I can find more poems written by this poet for I will surely love them too.

Hope you will enjoy this...Happy reading!

Company outing

Event: Company outing @ Splash Mountain, Laguna
When: June 6, 2008, Friday
Time: 7 am-5pm
Meeting place: Insular Life Bldg

THINGS TO DO (if bored):

Plan A: Read the chapters that my teacher assigned and go home after lunch
Plan B: Sightseeing and mingle with my officemates
Plan C: nothing

I woke up late though I slept for more than 10 hours, maybe it was 12 or 14 hours. Not sure about that...I was already rushing to our meeting place. I heard that we had to be there at 7:00 sharp and I was just on my way at that time. Thank God! I was not that late...I was able to hop in on the first bus. My friends were there already so got no problem with the seat. (Well, not all of my close friends in the office were in the outing so I was a little bit pissed...hahaha!)

At the bus

The trip would take 1 hour and 30 minutes...
When I was about to start reading my book when my friend, Shey, announced that she brought her PSP. Goodbye book, hello PSP. I played Ratatouille the whole travel time. It was a good game for me.

At Splash Mountain

We had games and prices. There were many things to do like to eat, to drink, to sit and to watch the people passing by or playing games. I did not join the games so I cheered instead. I did not plan to swim but my friends pushed me in the lazy river together with my stuffs (s**** and l******). I didn't have a choice but to try the slides and swim since I'm already wet. I had fun.

The prices and giveaways...

Our company gave out prices and giveaways like dvd, Starbucks gift certicates and Iphone...as for me, I got....(ssshhhhh)....

GOSSIP GIRL...Serena Van der Woodsen

Blake Lively as SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN

My favorite in Gossip Girl. I just love her. She's beautiful and fashionable. She's thoughtful and self-centered. She's hesitant and spontaneous. She's warmhearted and biatch. She supports her friends and dazzles the guys. She's the girl you will surely love and hate at the same time.

Motto: “There’s nothing wrong with keeping a secret if the truth will hurt someone.”

L E T H A R G I C

I can hear voices of my colleagues in different directions. They sound so alive as if it's not early in the morning. It's been days now that I suffer from lack of sleep. I don't think I have insomnia. Maybe my body clock is not yet adjusted to the morning shift sched. My sleeping time and eating time are in a mess. I hope one of these days; I can sleep for a whole day because right now I'm not feeling alright. My eyes are drooping and my head is aching. I'm groggy...zzzzz..

*****************

Last week was my first meeting with my professors. Urrrgghhh! The battle already began. Before my classmates and I left our classrooms, there were already many papers to submit for the next meeting. It seems like I'm regretting why I take 9 units this semester. With this feeling I'm having right now...lazy and sluggish...I'm having a hard time gathering my thoughts and coming up with a paper worthy of reading and submitting. My days are ticking. I'm running out of time. I know I'll be cramming again this Friday and I hope that at this time I'll have better ideas for my papers or else I'll be exasperated as hell again...This kind of thing that I'm talking about always happened to me. Sometimes, it makes me wonder why I am pursuing my graduate studies. Am I this bored that I rather be baffled and frustrated than doing nothing at all?

Wishes of mine

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.
~One Tree Hill

I encountered this quote while browsing the internet here in my office...too bad. huh? It came from one of my favorite drama series, One Tree Hill. I instanly like this quote from the moment I read it because it still makes me believe that fairy tales do come true. It makes me want to wish and wait for it to happen. Now, here is my wish list. I do hope they will come true.
My WISH LIST

Wish #1--To study in one of IVY league's universities

Wish #2--To travel around the world

Wish #2--To have my own coffee/pastry house

The above picture is coffee Minhak in Seoul---The place is so beautiful..I hope I can visit this shop.

Wish #4--To have the best books ever written

I haven't read any of these books. I hope I can grab a copy of the books above. There are so many books that I want to read and I hope in this life time, I will be able to read all that I want...

Wish #5--To write a book --If this will come true, I'll be speechless...

Wish#6--To make a difference in this world

Seeing a smile on their face is priceless. There are millions of children out there who don't have the basic needs that we have. If we can only share the blessings that we have, then maybe their life will be much better and smiles will be often see on their face.

This is my wish list for now...maybe these wishes will come true, maybe some will do and some will not...maybe years from my wishes will be different, maybe I will wish for more or less. Maybe I will not wish at all. Whatever it may be, I hope at least once in our life we have made a wish and believed on it. It's not really about wishing but sometimes it's about hoping that things will go our way.

464 days ago...

Angel's Best Weekend by Nancy

The best weekend of Angels...

464 days ago, the angels went to Tagaytay and Nasugbu.

Saturday morning and afternoon

We were like backpackers. We rode a bus to Tagaytay and had lunch in Dencios. After that, we went to a park and then we went to CalleRuega, the most beautiful place to get married. This was one of the highlights of our trip. It seemed like we were not in Tagaytay/Nasugbu and that we were in a picture. The place was enchanting and it made me speechless. It was one of the best places I've ever been to. Then afterward, we went to one of Nasugbu's beaches. We brough Tequila with us and some food. We were just too scared to be hungry. We were budget travelers so we tried to get a cheapest beach house. We went from one beach resort to another. Then we found a cheap and a good beach house.

Saturday evening

We dined to the nearest restaurant and then went back to the beach resort. We planned to have a bonfire so we made one. Then we grilled hotdogs and opened a bottle of Tequila. Stories and angsts about the people around us, life and career were shared that night.

Sunday afternoon

We woke up late. We went to Jollibee to have our lunch and we went back to the resort. Nancy, Grace and Weng swam in the pool, Ayka grabbed the mic and sang (videoke) and I sat watching all of them. I didn't like to swim and I didn't want to sing. What I wanted was to sit and sit.

We left the beach resort late in the afternoon already. We decided to stop by in Starbucks Tagaytay. When we were in Tagaytay, it was so cold. Having coffee in a cool place sounds terrific. We ordered our favorite coffee blend then we hanged out for a little while since we could not stand the coldness of the place.

Time to go home...

We rode a bus again. We were dead tired and the next day would be Monday, time to work again.

464 days ago...was the best weekend...464 days ago...we promised that each year ANGELS would travel to another place and spend time together...464 days had passed and now we are planning to have another great weekend together

Morning person....

Morning time, people getting up thinking about the people they love.
--One Tree Hill--

I'm now a morning person. My sleeping habit is quite different than before. A week ago, I sleep at around 3 or 4AM and now, I wake up at 3AM. My sleeping time before is now my waking up time. I'm not yet used to getting up early. It seems weird to wake up where the morning is not yet breaking. Today, when I woke up, it was raining hard and the first thing that pops up in my mind after turning off my alarm was "I want to sleep more", but I couldn't. Duty calls.

A few moments ago, I read this quote from one of my favorite TV drama series, One Tree Hill. The quote was, "Morning time, people getting up thinking about the people they love. ". This quote got my attention and made me wonder about who or what am I thinking when I first open my eyes. Today, the first thing that I had think of when I woke up was, " I want to sleep more" then I thought again about the things that I usually think of when I wake up. After a few minutes of trying to remember the scenarios where I woke up, it striked me that the usual thing that I think of was wanting to sleep more. I didn't think of my love one or my job or my studies. I just wanted to sleep more. Sleepyhead...this is me.

One of these days, I know that things will be different. Maybe I'll be thinking another thing aside from wanting to sleep more. Maybe something will inspire me and it will be the first thing that I'll think of.

My second day in AM...

complaints...complaints...complaints...

When I was in PM shift, I complained about having so many things to do, so little time. I kept on complaining how tired I am in making Powerpoint presentation. Now, that I am in AM shift, my second day, I'm starting to whine again. For the first time in my almost two years here in this company, I did not make any presenation. I'm bored! Since yesterday, I started reading the blogs of my friends, checked my mail and friendster and now, I'm blogging again and did the same things that I have done yesterday. I'm bored, bored, bored... and I think everybody knows that I don't like to be bored. It scares the hell out of me because it means I'm boring. Last night, I even finished a book...wooohhh! and today, I'm almost finish reading Fortune magazine. See, how bored I am. And then it strikes me, this is what I want, right? But now that I have it, I feel restless. I think I'm always like this but these two days...it's really dreary.

I know this will not last forever, maybe next week, I will have so many papers to submit because I'm back to school again or maybe, I will have more students. Whichever comes first, I'll welcome it with open arms...aaarrghhh! and grumble again..I'm such a whiner!

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
--Lily Tomlin

My team and my last day in PM shift...

My team....Yes, I've been in this team since I first set foot on this company, Duzon E&H. I love my team and my station. I can't believe that I'm living them and my forever station.

Last week, we had our team building in Splash Island and we had an amazing time together. There were many things happened like we had games like Pinoy Henyo and we tried the different slides that Splash Island offered. One of my favorite slides is the Magellan's drop where one of my teammates and close friend, Kareen, fell off from her mat. If we had a video camera with us, it would definitely be qualified to enter Bitoy's funniest video. Thinking about it now still makes me laugh.

Our team--we've been through a lot. We have had our ups and downs. I think this is why we are now a better, stronger and well-bonded team. We usually eat together and do things together. We have our differences but we are able to meet in the middle and respect those differences and find our similarities. Being in this team, makes my job here in this company much easier. I also have learned a lot. I learned from the mistakes of some of my teammates and I learned how good it is for a team to have unity. Our team before was not as good as what we have right now but since everyone are broadminded about things and willing to accept changes then I think these are some of the factors that made our team what it is.

29 minutes, 36 seconds more to go...

My shift will end minutes from now and this is it, I have to say goodbye to my friends, colleagues, teammates and all the people who is working in PM shift. I can't stop the time and at this moment, I hope I can (How I wish...). Well, everything has to end. There is no such thing as forever. Everything ends, vanishes or perishes. It's just a matter who comes first.

To all...

It's so great that I've experienced good things and bad things with you. I've learned a lot and in the process I hope you learned something from me too. I have had a wonderful time in this shift. We had faced many challenges and obstacles but despite of everything one can see happiness in our faces. Everything changes...the important thing is one should always remember for these have reasons...

my last week in PM shift...changes to face

My request for transfer of shift was approved last week. Wow! for almost four years of working on the same schedule, I think this would be wonderful. My first reaction when my boss sent me a message was terrific and then it sinked in to me that I would not be able to spend time with my friends in the PM shift and that made me quite not so cheery about my schedule especially I heard that AM shift's people are quite different from PM shift's. Well, let me see about that. Next week, will be the start of my next schedule and let me be the judge of that...hahaha!

Challenges to face next week:

1. waking up early around 3:00am--Ohhh! This is my sleeping time!
2. new team and teammates
3. classes in DLSU during Wednesday and Saturdays--got a broken schedule.

I hope I can do this! As of now, these are the things that I have to face for the next few weeks and I hope that everything will be splendid.

***********

Things happened to me this week...

Thinking of the things that happened to me this week makes me laugh and quite annoyed...I think, there is no such thing as a smooth flowing life...hahaha!

My series of unfortunate events:

1. My favorite Havaianas gave out..(naputol ung straps nya...huhu!)
2. I received an IR for exceeding my class for more than 5 minutes.
3. My class manager scolded me for I forgot to inform my students that I will transfer shift
4. I forgot to click the attendance of my students....(subject to IR..Thank god! it was not my boss who caught me..grrr...)

This is a really challenging week...whew!

my weekend in DAVAO

Long weekend...short vacation...

Last weekend, I went home to Davao for only 3 days. It was a short vacation but a memorable one. I was able to see my family especially my nephew, Gian and some of my friends. At first, I thought that my weekend will be not as great as I expected but at the end, it exceeded my expectations. There were many things happened that I did not see coming. The highlights of my vacation was my nephew, Gian, he was such an adorable baby. I couldn't kept my self from cuddling him and also my bet with my close guy friend. This bet would be due 2 years from now and until this moment, I don't know if I made the right decision to agree with our bet or maybe I'm just thinking too much again.

The whole weekend was marvelous. I couldn't fathom that I'm back here in Manila again working and soon I will be studying again...Changes will soon arrive and I'm ecstatic to face it.

so excited to go home...

Tomorrow at dawn will be my flight to Davao. I'm so excited to go home but this day turns out to be not so great as I expected. I'm already cramming because there were things that I have to attend to before I have to leave for Davao and plus I received bad messages. One message was from my mom stating that my brother could not fetch me at the airport and the other one was from my friend informing me that they our plan to hang out together would be cancelled and that they could not also drop me off at the airport. I was a little bit pissed because things did not go well this day. Then I realized that there are times that we have to be on our own...



There are some things in life that don't go as what we planned. We have to be always ready for it...

what I felt

Sometimes I feel inspired without knowing why
Sometimes I feel blue but there is nothing to be sad about
Sometimes I feel alone eventhough there are people around me
Sometimes I feel like crying because other people are hurting
Mixed feelings and mixed emotions

Sometimes I feel like screaming without reason at all
Sometimes I feel like joyous but there is nothing to celebrate
Sometimes I feel like running eventhough no one is hunting me
Sometimes I feel like singing because something different happened
Mixed feelings and mixed emotions

I felt everything and it brought me great happiness knowing that I'm alive.
Am I really happy?
All I want is to have a felicitious life.
Is this so hard?
What makes me truly happy?
I'm still figuring it out...

Saturday afternoon with Astrah...

Last Saturday, I spent my time with my dearest friend Astrah. It's been years since we last saw each other even though we live in the same area. Busy, busy, tired, tired...well, these words are the most common excuses that most of us could come up. Yes, it's true that we are tired and busy all the time but what we need is the WANT to spend time with friends...mmmm...think so?

As usual, I spent my afternoon with Astrah in Starbucks..again? just different location...LOL. We had coffee in Starbucks. It's been almost everyday that I drank coffee from the same coffee company that I did not know what to order anymore. (so funny..)
There were so many things to talk about that we did not know where to start. In the end, we talked about anything and everything under the sun and we found out so many thigs about our common friends and about each other as well. I had a splendid time catching up with our lives.

-To Astrah-

Thank you for spending time with me even though we just spent few hours in each others company but still it made me so happy. The things that we did will always be one of my happiest memories this summer. I hope that we can do it again with our other friends of course. A time spent with a friend is never a waste. Love yah!

Thanks!

angelkrizz

catching up with my old friend...

Friday...

I've been busy these past few weeks that I wasn't able to post something in my blog. There were so many things that happened to me and now there are still so many things going on in my mind.

The past few days....

The other night, my friends and I hanged out in Starbuck--our favorite hangout place and then unexpectedly one of my friends took a picture of my favorite barista. I just love to post his picture here...maybe one of these days...

I've been thinking of leaving or staying in my apartment. My friends who are with me are going to vacate our home sweet home. So sad but things have to end...

Last Monday, I saw my grades last semester...it made me want to laugh. I did not expect to have high grades but I guess I deserved it.

Last week, I took an exam in DLSU..it just made me crazy..Taking an exam without sleep..I hope the result will be more than I expected.

a few moments ago...

I talked to one of my closest friend..KOREN...It made me so happy talking to her and exchanging irrelevant and relevant information. I heard that some of our friends are going to Singapore, some are going to get married and some broke up already, some are having good career and some are still starting. Life is indeed colorful. We may have ups and downs but still it's great to know that we have friends that will always stay by our side and will join us in our journey.

first weekend with nothing to do...

Well, this is my first weekend with nothing to do...no appointments and no classes...my dream weekend. It's been a long time since I have this kind of weekend...I just love it. Most of my weekends, well I have to study and I have to do some errands. But this weekend, it's just amazing. I had my hair and nails done yesterday and now, I'm sitting alone in Starbucks waiting for the afternoon to pass by and doing this blog. It's a really great Sunday afternoon. I spent most of my hours being a potato couch and I realized I have to do something despite of being sick. Yes, I have a cold since Friday night and I have a slight fever last night but it did not stop me from going out of my apartment.

This afternoon, sitting alone in Starbucks and waiting for the sun to go down is just one of my favorite things to do. It's just so amazing. It's makes me think how wonderful life is. Yesterday, I watched TV and I saw how Africans are doing. It makes me sad that I'm always fuss about how miserable my life is and there are some people out there who are experiencing things that I could not imagine. Fighting for their lives because of poverty, diseases and virus and still they are hopeful. It makes me think that I'm still a lucky. Indeed I am.

Being lucky that I am, it makes me really want to do something for others. It makes me want to give back to those people who need help. I hope I can make this come true, with the help of the people around me i think it's possible . My plan is, I want to teach English for the whole summer for free after my masters if I will be able to graduate. I hope so..I'm crossing my fingers. Anyway, I like to go back to my hometown and serve the community there by teaching English for free. I will like to do this to improve their English. I also want to impart my knowledge to the teachers their by giving trainings or seminars on how to teach English effectively. Thinking about this makes me laugh. I don't really have the confidence to do this kind of thing but maybe a year or two from now, things will change. I will be able to have that confidence to make this thing happen. I really want to do this badly and I know that if I want something bad, I'll find confidence and courage. This really makes me want to shout that I can do this!

weekend thoughts...

I went to Batangas, my grandmother's house, this weekend. I was able to think things over while I was traveling. I felt gloomy and blue everytime I think of the things I want to do and the things that I have to do...my life. I've said in my last blog that changes might take place this summer. Change is a must for us to continue growing and for us to fulfill our dreams. Stagnation makes me feel scared and so is change. I know I made a big decision already which is pursuing my master's degree and I know, I will still make a big one before the summer ends.

It's already summer...

It's been a while since I posted something in this blog. I've been busy these past few days, with my studies and work. This week is the last week of my class and then we're going to have our long awaited summer break. The weather is already hot and everybody is now planning to have a summer trip. I have many plans for the summer and I hope these plans will be pushed through. I will not talk about my plans here yet but surely I will talk about them if I've done it already. I'm quite excited and worried at the same time for I know that there will be many changes this summer. Things might not be the same again or it might be still the same as always.

Changes...it's one of the things that people fear about. Changes...at times, it's something good and something bad. Changes...I hope I will have the courage to face it.

It's summer again...it's just a start of it...hoping things will fall into places...

One tree hill season 4...I just love it

ONE TREE HILL is one of the TV series that I avidly watch. I just can’t keep my eyes off from the Scott Brothers and of course my favorite bitch, whore and slut Brooke Davis. Watching One Tree Hill reminds me about high school and it brings back the memories especially the good ones. It makes me feel like a high school student again.

I just finished watching One Tree Hill season 4. It was awesome. It was good. I just hated that Brooke and Lucas Scott broke up but I think life is really like that. There is no such thing as constant. It also makes me realized that hooking with your friend’s boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will never be fine…laugh at loud!

One of the things that I love about this show is their quotes and voiceover. There are lessons to learn and things to think over. It makes me sometimes contemplate about life and friends.

These are some of the quotes and voice over that I found striking in season 4.

But if you look closer, you might see someone like you. Someone trying to find their way. Someone trying to find their place. Someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.

Lucas: Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has.

Lucas: There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.

The Saddest Poem

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

~Pablo Neruda

One of the saddest poem I've ever read.

Pablo Neruda's poems

Sonnet XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close

Sonnet LXXXI

And now you're mine. Rest with your dream in my dream.
Love and pain and work should all sleep, now.
The night turns on its invisible wheels,
and you are pure beside me as a sleeping amber.

No one else, Love, will sleep in my dreams. You will go,
we will go together, over the waters of time.
No one else will travel through the shadows with me,
only you, evergreen, ever sun, ever moon.

Your hands have already opened their delicate fists
and let their soft drifting signs drop away;
your eyes closed like two gray wings, and I move

after, following the folding water you carry, that carries
me away. The night, the world, the wind spin out their destiny.
Without you, I am your dream, only that, and that is all.


~ Pablo Neruda ~

Pablo Neruda is one of my favorite poets. Reading his poems make me feel in love and make me think that true love exist. His poems keep my faith in LOVE and sometimes make me feeel sad..because LOVE is real but some love is unrequited.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's POEM

PROXIMITY OF THE BELOVED ONE.

I THINK of thee, whene'er the sun his beams
O'er ocean flings;I think of thee, whene'er the moonlight gleams
In silv'ry springs.
I see thee, when upon the distant ridge
The dust awakes;At midnight's hour, when on the fragile bridge
The wanderer quakes.
I hear thee, when yon billows rise on high,
With murmur deep.To tread the silent grove oft wander I,
When all's asleep.
I'm near thee, though thou far away mayst be--
Thou, too, art near!The sun then sets, the stars soon lighten me.
Would thou wert here!
1795.

--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This poem is one of my favorites. I first heard this poem in a Korean Drama, Wedding. When I read this, i find it so romantic. It makes you wish that someone will actually feel this way to you...LOL! Romantic sucker that I am will really be moved by this poem...hahaha!

weekend with the angels...

March 15-16, 2007

restless, dog-tired and fun...my week. I slept for one hour only last Saturday. I had to finish my essay to be submitted early in the morning. Thank god that my class would be til noon only. There were so many plans for this day. I had to meet my friends in the office at the Fort and I had to meet the angels...When afternoon came, I realized that I'm dead tired and the only thing that I wanted was to go home and sleep. Weng (an angel and my classmate) and I decided to postpone the meeting and not to meet my office friends. Anyway, I already invited some of the angels to sleep in my house. So, we were still going to meet tonight. The plans were all change. Weng and I went to Alabang ahead and we would just meet the other angels in Alabang.

Time to have dinner... I thought I'm going to have my sleep but the angels were already on their way. We were planning where to eat and everyone decided that we would have dinner in Giligans ATC. We dined there. The food was great and the price was reasonable. We had an enjoyable time together.

Time to leave Giligans.. we didn't know where to go. We went to Starbucks Madrigal and we ended up leaving the place without buying a coffee. We looked for a grocery store to buy some snacks and we headed to my place.

At my place, the plan was to watch the TV series, Desperate Housewives but Weng and I could not keep our eyes open and we ended up sleeping. I did not even noticed when Grace and Shey went home. I was sleeping like a log. Ayka and Nancy were the survivors and they watched Prison Break instead of Desperate Housewives...

Sunday...Time to wake up..Everybody was sleeping. I had to wake up to prepare our lunch. I went to the nearest supermarket and bought Kimchi and tuna for our lunch. One of the favorite food of the angels.

Time to go home...It's already late in the afternoon. The rest of the angels (Weng, Nancy and Ayka) went home already. The house became so silent. It seemed like nothing happened. I was still tired and restless but the thing was I had fun even though we were not able to really talk since some of us were sleeping or doing something..Just being together..it made my weekend wondeful..

Friends...angels...even though we live in different places..the good thing is we still make time to meet and catch up with our lives..knowing that they are there for you just makes me feel safe.

Friends...it's not about how many friends you have but it's about how many are going to be there for you no matter what..

Quotes for me....

You are the person who has to decide. Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind. Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.

-Edgar A. Guest-

****************************

Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.

-Robert F. Bennett-

****************************

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

My thoughts before I sleep...

March 10, 2008
Monday, 2:55 AM

It’s already morning but still I can’t sleep. My brain is wide wake even though I already want to go to my bed. There are so many things going on my mind and I decided to write them down. What I really want in life is one of the things that I’m thinking right now. What are the things that can possibly make me happy and what are the things that I’m longing to do. I’m taking graduate studies. Weeks from now, I’m going to have my diploma in teaching as a second language and months from now, I’m going to take masters in teaching English. Is this what I really want? I like it. I like teaching and when I see students learning from me, I have this wonderful feeling but then there is something missing.

There are so many things that I want to do and some of them, I already did and doing but I don’t really excel. I envy those people who excel on the things that they do and I wonder why I can’t. Is it because there are so many things that I want to do and I can’t give all of my energy in one thing. It seems that I’m scattering them in different places. I like to cook and I think I can really cook. I like to play soccer and I can play it. I like business and I had a wonderful time doing it when I was in college. I did these things but I did'nt excel.

Some people say that I’m lucky. I have a wonderful family. Despite with our differences but we still manage. I love them, immediate and extended. I have great friends, who are always there for me. In fact, some of them are not just friends, it seems like they are already my sisters. I have a good education. I studied in a private school since I was in preparatory. I went to a university that gives good quality of education and right now I’m studying in one of the best universities in the country. But still, I don’t feel that lucky.

Now, I’m working in an English online company. I have an invigorating job since I have to think of the lessons that I will conduct in my classes and I have a chance to talk with my students about their life. I have friends in the company. In fact, some of them are not just my friends they are my close friends. I have a good salary compare to others. Despite all of these things, there are times that I’m jaded.

Now, it’s already 3:42. My eyes are already drooping but still there are many things that I want to write…I have to have my sleep. I hope hours from now, when I wake up, it will be a wonderful day for me…To be continued…

Angels at harbour square

March 1, 2007
7pm

After a long tiring week, the Angels decided to meet. Grace and I met Ayka and Nancy in Mcdonalds beside dlsu. Weng was not able to meet us for she was tired preparing her wedding, geez..my friend is really getting married. Well, we decided to go to Harbour square, the most accessible hang out place. We dined out in Teriyaki boy and after that we had coffee in starbucks...As usual, our hang out place..anywhere so long as its starbucks...I think I can even memorize their menu..hahaha!

It's just so nice to end a tiring day or I rather say...week...with your friends talking over coffee...

tiring week...

Feb 25-March 1, 2007

Last week was one of my hell weeks this semester and was the first hell week for me for this year. I had so many things to do that I could not think what to do first. I was a little bit dazed what to do first. Well, I did the most important one... my lesson plan for my demo teaching. Take note: I have to demo in a foreign academic writing for graduate students. A little bit tough, huh? I did my lesson plan since Monday and I finished it minutes away from my demo class. The worst thing was my adviser cancelled the demo class. She said that she would not evaluate it since it was a graduate class. What she wanted was for me and my two classmates to demo in a class not for graduate students. That was it...all of my hardwork and sleepless nights were just for nothing..I was disappointed and maybe a little bit mad but then I did not do anything..stupid,I think, of me but instead I just agreed with my prof...great, right?